Why Kids Perceive Bullying differently Than Adults

Many parents are getting strong, proactive advocates and allies in the fight against bullying. The statistics speak for themselves. Bullying has reached epidemic proportions. More school districts, playgrounds, after-school programs, and sports teams are zeroing in on the problem and using diverse strategies to address it. Many experts agree that one of the most important factors in stopping bullying is changing the way kids view and treat each other.

A new study published in the Journal of Applied Social Psychology indicates that kids do perceive themselves as victims. In fact, they have been convinced over time that other kids perceive them to be such. Bullying becomes fun when kids perceive themselves as the bully. But when kids perceive themselves as victims, bullying quickly devolves into a battle of wills – or just words.

Bullies don’t just hurl cruel taunts at their victims. They know how to get under the victims’ skin and destroy their self-esteem. It goes beyond physical attacks. Bullies twist, bully and abuse words into innuendos and insults.

Bullying often starts in a subtle fashion. Kids tease or cyberbully schoolmates online, on MySpace or social networking sites. Then the bullying can take physical forms. Some kids wander the halls at night, making threats or throwing objects. Others create trouble with other students and school staff by creating trouble or skipping class. And some kids simply pick on other kids just for the fun of it.

But the most common sign that a kid is a bully isn’t verbal – it’s physical. Kids pick on other kids because they perceive them to be weaker or vulnerable. Kids bully kids. If kids can’t stand anyone, who would they pick on?

There are schools in every town and city that seem immune to cyberbullying. But there are bullies in all schools. They’re called “tauntgers”. A bully can come to your school and stick out their hand and say, “Hey, do you like me?” Or they might make a point of talking to one kid alone while the rest of the group sits and wonder what in the world this guy is going on about.

Most people understand why kids perceive themselves as being bullied. They have parents who tell them to stand up for themselves. They have teachers who instill self-confidence in them. They play sports and use positive reinforcement. They eat healthy and sleep well.

But there are also some things that kids don’t do when they are being bullied. Kids do the same things they would do if they were in a real fight – they cry, they apologize, they promise they won’t bully anymore. But what they don’t do is give a big straight smile and go away. That’s the sign that the kid is enjoying the bullying a little too much and maybe even thinks it’s funny. And most bullies know this and that’s why they get angry when kids try to stop bullying.

It’s hard to see why kids perceive bullying in different ways. Sometimes, the bully will swing both arms in the air as though he’s celebrating. Other times, kids will just give the bully a stare or lean away. But even if the kid is a few feet away, the bully can get away with it. He knows that no matter how many times kids try to run away or duck under the bed, the bully will keep coming back until he gets what he wants.

Bullies think they are getting what they want from kids. The bully may be telling the kids, “You think you are tough? Well, I guess I just picked someone to take out today.” Sometimes, kids just laugh and roll their eyes, but sometimes, they will let the bully see their faces and hear their words and that’s when they know they have a winner!

Parents need to do all they can to help kids who are being bullied. Talk to your kids about bullying. Teach your kids how to tell if someone is being bullying them, or even if someone is doing it. Let your kids know that the best way to defend themselves or get help is to walk away.

Kids perceive things differently than adults. They tend to see what they want versus what they think other people want. If you are being bullied by another kid, simply ignore him. Do not try to reason with him, just walk away. If he won’t leave you alone, make sure you know where he is and where he comes from so that you can look for him if he ever tries to harm you again.